today I happily announce that I'm once again participating in the world's most over-the-top display of nonsense and violence, Major Failure's Zoofights. If you've never heard about it, Zoofights is a kind of forum RPG that focuses on hypothetical fights between made-up monstrosities. Every few days two of 16 monsters are introduced, and the audience makes bets on the outcome of a fight to the death. The fight itself is decided largely by popularity, and is displayed in comic book fashion, alongside Major Failure's hilarious commentary.
In the last few years, every tournament has ended in some cataclysmic disaster, as the winning monsters get beefed up more and more with each surviving round, up to the point where the last encounter is a giant threat to everyone involved.
Find out more about Zoofights here: zoofights.co.uk
Or follow the actual fighting, betting and roleplaying here.
Here are some of the pictures I've contributed, descriptive text courtesy of that magnificient bastard Major Failure:
"Smash Gordon is a controversial attempt by England to circumvent our "no human competitors" rule: a cloned Neanderthal entered into the tournament as an animal. As dense in stature as he is in mind, this brutish thug is the culmination to years of experiments by the propaganda wing of the British police state, aimed at creating an unstoppable terror weapon for Scotland Yard. In fact, he is so colossally challenged that he needs to be guided through non-violent life by his trusty bulldog, Nelson. Nonetheless, he retains a brute cunning, which is truly deadly when backed up by hubcap-sized fists."
"The tattered remnants of Russia's army forgot who they were fighting, but never who led them. Under the forbidding bellow of The Sturgeon General they marched, driven onwards by the hated fish on its ancient tank tracks. When they stumbled through hunger, cold or radiation sickness it urged them forward, and any who disobeyed were transfixed with a mighty shout, then mangled under its treads. The General never let discipline slip, not even when the last man in the legion died under its wheels. Therefore, in admiration of its leadership talent, we have given it an army of devlish antigrav stingrays."
"But he barely has time to clear his throat before a new threat emerges.
Unbelievably, in the 30 seconds that Nelson has been fighting his desperate battle, Smash Gordon has risen to his feet and begun lumbering across the arena sand.
Grunting with the lungs of an actual ox, he launches himself up onto Sturge's stalled tracks and begins a gristly, bone-grating climb up the behemoth.
Cable-like sinews tear around shattered bone, but a chemical rage beyond the comprehension of frail Homo Sapiens drives Smash on.
His axe grinds through armour and scales, and he tears great bales of innard from the exposed body of the arch-anadrome.
As he plants an iron boot on the head of a roller-skate and pistons up toward the face of Sturge, he propels himself into range for a killing blow..."
The Sturgeon General is easily the most absurd thing I've drawn in a long while, but it's fascinating how even such a bizarre creation comes to life with the speculation of a blood-thirsty audience!
This will do for now, as I just want to direct interest towards ZF, not leech fame from it. If devastating battles, monsters, apocalyptic settings and a witty commentary that does the silliness of it all justice might be something for you, you should definetely go check it out!
